Breath

I take a Breath.

As I stare out at an Autumn rain,

Falling vast starlets of energy,

Compound the worries of my soul,

As simple purveyors of the essence of this universe.

I wonder often about my internal weavings,

Seeking answers to starving questions,

Of remorse and pity,

Guilt and shame,

That binds my hands and calls my bluff.

I seek freedom from my selfish cage,

Leaking life fluid as I,

Bend these infernal bars,

And know that I can never wrest that key.

I twist, turn, struggle, bleed, scream,

For hope to hear to come and see,

But hope seems absent,

And in frustration I learn to love my cage,

I learn to live in fecund halls of self pity.

In this internal sheol I make my home,

Decaying mass of self loathing,

My insides hard and brittle,

Bear shallow resemblance to Godborn form.

How long shall I crouch, hidden,

In this fell bog, in darkness crying?

How much victimization can I consume?

How much self flagellation is enough?

What is my threshold for torture and regret?

As I seek new knives to cut flesh,

I find silver sliver of God's spark,

Buried in flesh deep and hidden by ego,

The spark is tiny, a seed of minute stature.

But as I gaze its internal flame grows,

And I recognize my own DNA,

Divine blueprint of God/man apparent,

I break open inside, washed with grace,

God is HERE, God in me…Me in God.

And all that I have built,

All that I have known,

All that I call self,

Is blasted, purified, recreated.

And I take another breath.